Finality Comes

 

Finality comes with being recomposed by the winds.

Laughter burns up hearts of the innocent who run

With a whimsical stride.

I hear the winds breath every now and then

Through my living room window, while

The cars roar.

 

Shout at the moon, you flamboyant fire.

I am not appeased by your bite against

My flesh.

I want to wind up my past and toss it.

 

I want to fly up through the clouds.

The broken bond of ours puts out

One of the family.

For they used to walk in the wind

Where your childish whims dragged

Me down into fierce pits.

 

You’d burn me at the stake, if you could.

For all the anguish I endured at your hands,

I have arisen from the ashes bold.

 

I broke you down in the end.  For the

Medicine you gave me throughout my

Agonizing childhood is now your own

To take.

 

May it burn as it goes down.

For you cried out for mercy when I

Thrust my hands across your face.

It was then you knew I was no longer

Afraid of you.

 

I was the one to protect myself from you.

For your hands and your words no longer

Hold me prisoner.

You disintegrated back into ashes when

You died.

 

Your children were not there. No other family,

Nor friends, either.  Just your wife whom you

Tortured for so many years when your children

Were no longer there to be your punching bags.

 

Now, your remains sit on a shelf in your bedroom

Such a waste for a human being who never did

Anything in accordance to the Lord.

For you considered yourself to be greater than God.

You did nothing with your life.

 

For so long, you lived off the kindness of friends

And relatives alike, until you bit their hands.

Their generosity towards you ended when

You took them for granted.

 

Fires inside my soul raged in my twenties.

During my thirties, the flames died down,

Lit up again, died, down and lit up again.

A never ending cycle continued to burn

Inside of me.

 

I’m forty-seven and a half years old now.

I’m just starting to learn control of my

Hatred towards you.

 

So, I allow myself to feel only emptiness.

For to feel nothing is better than feeling

The agony of the past.

 

The emptiness keeps me company at night

When I sleep.

 

It’s a comfort to know you have no hold

Upon me.

However, at times when my past sneaks up

On me, it tries to strangle me.

Yes, my fires are lit once again,

I let my rage burn, take some deep breaths.

The fires die down while I use my mind to

Block the rage, and enable the emptiness to

Return.

 

My calamity goes away temporary.

My inner strength builds a little at a time

Each day.

 

When the rage returns, it comes back weaker

And weaker then it was before.

Some day, it will be gone forever.

 

 

Perhaps the emptiness will be replaced

By something beautiful.

However, for now, I enjoy the quiet in my

Heart, mind, soul, and spirit.

 

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2017

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