Y2: Day 16 (Hope) As Long As I Have Readers, Nothing Else Matters

What fears and insecurities do I have?  What are my internal questions and doubts?  I often wonder if the career path I’ve chosen is the right one for me.  Although I have taken Mr. Jeff Goins Art of Work course last year where I was taken on a journey of self discovery, I still have doubts about myself and about my abilities as a writer.  Everything works out perfectly on paper.  Last year, I chose three skills to put into practice everyday.  The were creative writing, algebra, and Spanish.  Throughout the course of doing so, I kept in mind about what Mr. Jeff Goins said about how out of the three skills we choose to pursue, the level of difficulty is what we needed to focus on.  If there is a skill we are pursuing where there is not enough difficulty to challenge us, it becomes too easy.  We then lose interest.  If the level of difficulty is so strong, we lose interest, because it becomes impossible for us to achieve.  The level of difficulty must fit like a glove.

The Spanish course I took on the Duolingo site was not only simple enough where I’d achieve my goals and excel, but there wasn’t enough level of difficulty for me.  It was a memory refresher course for me, because I studied the language many, many, years before then back when I was in high school.  Upon studying the language last year, I completed three units, and quit, because I got bored with it.  I lost interest, because it wasn’t challenging enough.  As for algebra, I completed 19 units and scored high in 16 of them.  But as I progressed with the course, it got to be too challenging.  The level of difficulty was so high, it was virtually impossible for me to have success with hit.  I got frustrated with it and quit.

As for creative writing, I continued through this day to write, although the later part of last year I was only writing three to four days a week.  The reason for me not writing as often as I had in the beginning of the year wasn’t because I lost interest.  It’s quite to the contrary.  You see, the reason for writing for only three to four days out of the week was because I’d gotten myself into a rut.  I became blocked or empty, and needed to do more to replenish my ideas through relaxing, and I also lost focus.  My sticking with creative writing for all these years attest to the notion writing is what I should be doing with my life.  I’m more than certain.  However, I get my doubts from time to time, due to the many rejections I’ve gotten recently for my novel Fiona.

Although it got rejected by Harlequin Romance publications, they were kind enough to send me a list of helpful tips to consider when writing and submitting to their company.  This company publishes a variety of series for their publication.  Each series has a required theme they look for in a story.  A big reason why my novel Fiona was rejected was it didn’t fit in with any of the series and themes they often publish.  So I’m assured their rejecting me takes nothing away from the overall merit of my work.

Prior to hearing from Harlequin Romance, my novel Fiona was rejected by four other publishers.  Apparently, it didn’t fit in with their standards.  I was discouraged and seriously considered ended my career pursuits in the writing arena, and taking a job working maybe in a restaurant or some place else where employment was easily attainable.  I was looking for a means where making money would be simple, because I didn’t believe I had what it took to be a writer.  I felt my years of writing had been wasted when my time could have been best spent pursuing a field where I excelled in.

However, writing had always been my main passion in life.  I’ve loved it ever since I was in the first grade.  It’s fun creating worlds and people which otherwise wouldn’t have existed beyond my imagination.  I still enjoy creative writing.  Through Harlequin Romance publications explaining to me in their email what it is they look for when considering works for possible publication assured me their rejecting me wasn’t because my story wasn’t any good.  As stated above in this article, it didn’t fit in with the various series and themes they typically publish.  Nothing more, nothing less.

So, instead of giving up on my writing craft, I decided to stick with it.  No matter how many times in life I tried giving up writing, my heart always pulled me back to it.  I couldn’t let go of the writing craft, because deep down I love it much.  I’m passionate about it.

In one of his latest articles, Mr. Jeff Goins wrote about how it’s not enough to have passion.  Passion must be combined with demand.  I’m still not sure if what I write is in demand.  My blog is on the wordpress.com site.  I’ve noticed how folks who read my blog are more receptive to my poetry than they are to any other kinds of writings I do.  Although I write a variety of types of writing ranging from poetry, fiction, nonfiction and writing tips, I’ve received more likes for poetry than for anything else.  The interest in poetry is strong.

I realize it’s important to give the public what it wants, but I still have to stay true to myself.  Don’t misunderstand me.  Out of all the genres of writing, poetry had always been my biggest passion.  It’s gratifying the way my poetry is well received.  However, I’d like to continue to grow as a writer.  Therefore, I continue to include fiction, nonfiction and writing tips periodically, in addition to including poetry.  Although I don’t get as many likes for my fiction, nonfiction and writing tips, I do get some likes.  It shows folks out there are interested, but not as much as most of the folks who read my blog are interested in poetry.  Still, I’m not deterred from writing fiction and other genres of writing.  As long as those posts also continue to get read, it doesn’t matter how many or how few likes I get for a given post.  What’s most important is folks are interested enough to read and to learn.

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2016

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