(Feeding On Anxiety, Rest Becomes Me) I’m Succombed To The Banter Of The Howling Wind

Feeding on anxiety, rest becomes me in the wee hours of the moaning night.  I’m succumbed to the banter of the howling wind.  Dark shadows creep up on me as I lay wide awake in my tomb of memories.  I’m caught up in the rapture of nostalgia, as I let the good times of my life pass by like a piece of jade.  For they were fanciful with a mixture of darkness within its vessel.  They were the times when I needed sanity the most in my mind, in the anguished tides of my withered soul.  I’m enraptured by the winds speaking their mockery to my heart.  They bite down hard on my emotions.

I can’t help but wonder what the world would have been like had I been born into a world where only the honest and the good exist.  Forget about the wicked who beat their children senseless for their own pleasures.  For I came across the wisest man in my realms of dreams one night as I drifted off into the realms of the unconscious.

For my consciousness became the fullest bucket upon talking to my friend Stone Walker.

He was walking away from the cave he and I once discussed measures of philosophical the last time I visited him.  I approached him and said, “Hello there, Mr. Stone Walker.  It’s me, Kiki.  I’ve returned to your realm.  What I’m doing here, I don’t know.  All I know is the powers that be brought me back to you.  Have you discovered the answers to the mysteries behind the cave pictorials?”

He turned around, looking at me with a grimacing smile, and said, “Welcome back.  No, I haven’t even thought about the pictorials since the last time you were here.  I happened to be by this way again on my journey.  The feeble roads brought me back here today unexpectedly.  However, I think we should try to connect with the aging relics of the past more with the subconscious than with the conscious.”

I ran up to the cave to further examine the stone hinges.  Rubbing my hands against it’s body, I felt the vibrations of a soul entrapped within it.  It burned by hands, causing the flesh of my palms to reddened.  There was a tenderness, a sting overwhelmingly delicious.  For the first time, I’ve become one with pain, instead of blocking it out like I had done for most of my life.

“Young lady, lets take a walk through the cave.  The first time we were here, I wasn’t quite ready to explore it, because I let fear dominate my heart.  The unknown has always frightened me,” he said as he walked closer to me, and took my hand.

He took a torch hanging on the wall to guide us through the darkness.  Someone or something had been there since the last time we were there.  But what?  All I could think about was the pleasure of discovering the mysteries of the past.  Perhaps they held the key to unlocking my future, maybe they didn’t.  All I did know was I needed to find out.

Walking along in the narrow passage way, there was a golden beam of light radiating in the distance.  I let go of Stone Walker’s hand, ran up to the golden beam of light, and touched.  It was the most beautiful experience I ever had.  I could feel love within it.  It was as if it I touched the heart of a child.  Or perhaps it was the inner child missing from my existence for so long, because all I ever knew was violence I endured at the hands of my parents.

Stone Walker approached the light, and walked through it.  I followed him.  We were taken into another realm.  However, this realm was a library filled with rows and rows of books.  It was there I discovered the book of my life.  I removed it from the shelf.  Opened it up to find everything I had ever experienced come to life before my eyes.  “Is this the heart of my existence.  Am I truly in the heart of the Lord’s vespers?”  I asked Stone Walker who looked on in amazement, while taking the book from my hands.

“This is enough for you to know.  The rest will unfold to you in due time,” he said as he put the book back in its rightful place of honor.

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015


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