I used to worry all of the time about everything regardless of how big or small the problem. From the time I was a small child, I’d get stressed even over the smallest things. However, my great-grandfather often told me not too worry about little things, because some how, the problem or situation has a way of working itself out.
My father was the primary cause for my stress, because he was violent, and often became furious when something wasn’t done according to his satisfaction.
I worried about the dishes not being cleaned good enough, or the toilets not being up to par whenever I finished cleaning them. Although they were spotless, they weren’t clean according to my father’s standards. He’d often inspect any and everything, to make sure I cleaned whatever it was accordingly to his standards. He always found some excuse to punish me. I believe he got pleasure out of torturing me on a daily basis.
Even years after I got away from my mother and him, I worried all of the time, especially about not having the ability to do something of good quality. I became too particular about my appearance, because my father drilled it in my head from a small child I had to look perfect and be perfect.
I endured such a mental state of needing to be perfect up until the time I was in my mid to late twenties. Then, during the latter part of 1996, I gave up trying to be perfect. I came to the realization if my mother and others couldn’t accept me for who and what I was as a person, tough luck for them. I also realized no one is perfect but God himself. I thought to myself, why should I always have to be perfect, when my father himself is not perfect, even though he thinks he is. Everyone else also had flaws. They weren’t perfect either.
When I stopped trying to be perfect, all the pressures and stress was relinquished from my body. I stopped caring about what others thought about me. As far as I was concerned, when it came to anyone’s opinion of me, the only one really mattering to me was my own. What was most important was me being happy overall with myself.
Through getting rid of my need to be perfect, I came to know my self over these past nineteen years. I’ve come to like myself for the first time ever in my life, back in February of 2005. I’ve gained self acceptance. I actually begun to care about myself.
In doing so, I’ve come to respect myself. It starts with the self. If someone actually accepts himself or herself for who and what he or she is, he or she can in turn accept others the way they are.
Learning to like myself and accept myself has brought me such joy in my life. As the years passed, I’ve came to understand what life was really all about. It’s about living in the moment, enjoying every bit of it while it lasts. One never knows what tomorrow will bring. Everything could end at any given moment. The most important thing I’ve learned even during these past eight months through participating in the Art of Work course is about impacting and inspiring people. Even after one’s death, if one has impacted even one person during his or her life time, he or she has lived a full life.
© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015