(I’m Lost In A Desert) The Pouring Rain Overflowing My Heart

I’m lost in a desert, so overflowing with an emotional fire anxiously waiting to rise higher and higher with every once of rage feeding my soul.  There is plenty of fortitude to withhold whenever my mind circumvents the aftermath of the pouring rain overpowering my heart with strings tugging against my pain.  It’s the measure by which I live and the flowering meadow where I walk.  During every stage of life there is the premium of cost to elevate me out of the mass throbbing within the core of my sadness.  For at 26 years old, I’m drowning in debt brought onto me by the education of life.  I thought to myself while I gathered my clothes, and placed them into the laundry basket.

I walked over to my dresser where my jam box sat on top of it, put in the cassette of Madonna’s album True Blue.  Pressing forward to roll the tape to her song La Isla Bonita, I started singing along to the music, calming my spirit, and putting my mind a little more at ease, through causing me to take my mind off of my troubles.

My aunt came into my bedroom to find me dancing around, and said, “Are you ready to go.  I want to get to the Laundromat before it gets dark out.  I don’t want to get there after dark, because they close at a certain time.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.  Let me turn off my music, and put my cassette away.  I just needed to forget my troubles for a while.  I’m so stressed out from being in debt.  Not only do I have my student loans I’m still paying on, but I have credit card debt I accumulated as a result of not being able to get hired for a job.  No one will hire me.  I don’t know why.  I’m more than qualified for a cashier position at the eatery downtown.  The same thing is true when it comes to being a teller at a bank.  I have cashier experience, suggestive selling experience.  So many skills; yet, I’m unable to do anything with them, because the employers won’t give me a chance,” I grunted while smacking my hand against the door.

“Hey, don’t treat the door like that.  You won’t solve anything by hitting the door,” she said sternly, while heading out the door, collecting her laundry bag in the hall, and headed downstairs, “You’re grandmother and I will be heading out to my car.  So, don’t be too long.”

Heading into the bathroom, I grabbed my hair brush from the shelf, put it through my hair to add body, touched up my makeup, went back into my bedroom, collected my laundry basket, and exited the bedroom to go downstairs into the living room, and head out the door where my aunt and grandmother waited for me on the porch.

Entering the Laundromat, I couldn’t help but notice how busy it was.  My aunt and grandmother used washer and dryer on one side of the place, while I had to go to the other end of the building to get an available washer and dryer.

Going through my clothes, I picked certain articles out of the laundry basket and threw them into the garbage bin.

My aunt approached me, telling me sternly, “What are you throwing away your clothes for?  Those cost money.”

“The ones in the garbage had stains on them.  Just leave them in the garbage bin.  I know what I’m doing.  I’m going to put the remaining articles of clothing into the washer now.  So don’t have a fit over me getting rid of something no longer usable,” I said bluntly.

On the drive home, there was silence.  I had nothing to say to my aunt nor my grandma.  My aunt concentrated on the road, while my grandmother drifted off to sleep in the front passenger seat.

Will I ever be other than what I am?  What’s going to happen to me years from now.  I wish I knew my life before it happened.  But no one can know that except for God himself.  If only he’d give me even a glimpse into my life and the things yet to come.

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015

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