“Let age, not envy, draw wrinkles on thy cheeks,” my great grandfather told me as I expressed my dissatisfaction with life, and the circumstances I’d been placed in.
“It’s not that I’m envious necessarily of what others have regarding material possessions, grandpa. But it’s the peace of mind allotted to many of the other family members who don’t live in our household. The cousins don’t have to go through the everyday stresses of violence and abuse with their households like I do, because for them, it is nonexistent. I guess, what I envy is the way they have the freedom to express themselves and be who they are, when my freedom of expression is suppressed by my parents. For me to be myself is not acceptable in my household.”
Looking at me with his gentle eyes of wisdom, my grandfather said in a gentle voice, “God will provide all that is lacking in your life. Somehow, he will take care of you. It’s just a matter of having patience and faith all will work out for the best in the end.”
Sitting down next to him on the sofa in his bedroom, I looked around at the ceiling wondering if there was a force in the great universe observing all going on in my life. Then I looked down at my bare feet, and massaged the softness of my heels, thinking about all my great-grandfather mentioned to me. Perhaps if I could calm my nerves long enough to endure whatever else life throws my way, I’d obtain some peace of mind. If only for a little while. Just long enough where I’d be able to sustain myself throughout the process of my grief. I thought to myself while stretching out my legs and my arms to relinquish the exhaustion the rain brought my way.
© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015