Day 136: (You Have Permission) The Only One Standing In My Way Is Me

There are many things I want to do for my calling.  One of them is to get my first collection of short fiction and nonfiction published in the form of e-books.  I’m hesitant about doing so, because throughout the past four or five years, I’ve had four other e-books published, and they haven’t sold well.  I worry about my next e-book not selling well or not selling any copies of the book at all.  If I don’t sell any e-books, I will be consumed with disappointment, and regret about having taking the chance to publish the e-book.

I know in the Art of Work course, Mr. Jeff Goins talked about how it’s important not to let fear stand in the way of a dream or calling.  However, I feel I need much more practice with my creative writing skills, before I’m deemed ready to publish an e-book, paperback or any kind of book.  I feel my writing skills need tightening up a bit.

Although it’s been many years since I’ve graduated from college with a B. A. in creative writing, I still feel like an amateur.  Back in April 2006, my first book publication was released.  It was a novel entitled Dominica’s Inferno, highlighting the issues of child abuse and depression from my own experience.  I did sell a few copies; however, most of the people who bought the book were people I knew.  I sold very few copies.

When the book was published and first released to the public, it was only available online, because it was print on demand.  I expected to sell at least one million copies, and get rich off of the book sales.  However, reality set in, when I realized my goals weren’t realistic.  I thought to myself, What did I get myself into.  Why would I have done a dumb thing by submitting the book for publication, when clearly it’s a topic not in high demand.

I promoted it all over the internet, in addition to advertising in my local periodicals, along with sending flyers and order forms out to everyone I knew.  I even approached folks I knew from my church asking them if they could do me the favor of putting some of my flyers in there business.  They were eager to comply.  Even with all the promoting I did, it still wasn’t enough to bring in adequate amount of book sales.

I guess the only one standing in my way of getting my books published either in e-book format or printed format is me.  I’ve always had high expectations of myself from the time I was a small child.  Through doing so, I’ve failed most of the time when it came to achieving my goals and aspirations.

I know I need to let myself get the heck out of my own way, but I’m trying to be sensible and realistic about my approach to getting my next book published.  It’s important to have the book polished to perfection, and to tighten up my writing skills first, in order to be a top notch writer.

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015


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