Day 96: (What If) Had My Life Been Different…

What if I had chose to pursue a career in psychiatry, instead of becoming a writer.  In this scenario, the would be no violence in my life.  My parents are loving, nurturing, supportive, and encouraging, not only with my educational pursuits, but with my career choice.  I would be very popular in high school.  Perhaps I would have participated on the debate team.  If my parents were supportive people, I most likely would not have attended the little country school.  My family and I would have stayed in the Kalamazoo Public School District.  There would be no pain or suffering in my life.  My father would be educated and have a good job.  He’d be successful.  My brothers would be successful, I would be successful at my chosen field.  My mother would be a graduate of an ivy league school.

Had I chose to pursue a field in psychiatry, instead of choosing to become a writer, I would have a job working in a psychiatric hospital here in Kalamazoo.  I would come across souls suffering from enduring a hard life, resulting from facing too much reality.

Perhaps I would not be able to relate to them, because I grew up in a healthy environment.  If I couldn’t relate to them, I would have no understanding as to what they went through in life, and of the suffering they would continue to endure.

If I had not endured a violent life, I wouldn’t have endured post traumatic stress syndrome.  I wouldn’t have written the novel Dominica’s Inferno.  There would have been no Dominica’s Inferno, because I wouldn’t be a writer.  I would be focusing my attention of living my life to the fullest extent with my own family.

Back in the fall of 1992, I went to Chicago to visit with relatives.  My aunt and uncle wanted to introduce me to a young man, my uncle had known since he was a baby.  I went to a dance with them where we were to meet up with the young man and his parents.  What if I had said yes to his marriage proposal.  Chances are, I would be suffering in life, because I would end up with difficult in laws.  Yes, I most likely would have a family of my own.  However, it most likely would be a life filled with drudgery.

I didn’t like the vibes I was getting from the guy.  If I had ignored my gut feelings, and decided to marry him anyway, I would be paying for the mistake of marrying him, because he would turn out to be domineering and abusive.  So would his parents.

If I hadn’t endured a life filled with violence during the first 22 years of my life, I would have ended up being too trusting with people.  I would have made the serious mistake of marrying the guy my aunt and uncle in Chicago introduced me to.  It would have been a costly mistake.

As for becoming a psychiatrist instead of becoming a writer, I wouldn’t have the ability to empathize with the soldiers.  I wouldn’t have encountered the WWII soldier when I was attending Western Michigan University.  I wouldn’t have been political like I was back during my college years.  I most likely would have attended a university other than Western Michigan University.  Therefore, had the World War Two soldier and I never met in the little grocery store near campus, we wouldn’t have had the conversation we did about war, politics, life, and suffering.  He and I wouldn’t have impacted each others lives, had we never met.

Had I not attended Western Michigan University, I wouldn’t have participated in the protest against the war having gone on in Kuwait.  I wouldn’t have encountered the soldiers at the protest who spoke out against the war, but in favor of the soldiers.  I wouldn’t have read my poem at the gathering, because the poem would have never been written.  For I wouldn’t be a writer.

© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015

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