Love is supposed to be about never having to say one is sorry. It’s about making difficult choices, in order to appease a given situation. It’s about taking the time to do something absolutely thoughtless, no matter how strongly one is against doing so. It’s about admitting to fault, when clearly one knows he himself isn’t at fault at all.
Back in the spring of 1991, when I was in college, some friends and I got acquainted with some nice guys who we befriended. There was one friend of mine who pursued a more intimate relationship with one of the guys. She was domineering, controlling and wanted him at her side at all times. So much so, she made it virtually impossible for the young man to spend quality time with his friends, particularly when it came to allowing him to spend time with close friends he knew from early childhood.
My friend’s controlling ways got even the best of her own good judgment, and nature. This girl even went so far as to go into the guy’s dorm room, lie to his roommate about what she was doing there, and when he wasn’t looking, she stole his rollerblades. What’s worse, without my knowledge, she came into my dorm room and hid them in the drawer of my armoire. A girl who was a mutual friend and my roommate told me about it and about how she told the other girl not to put them in their. She didn’t allow the other girl to put them in there.
The young man the friend of mine was intimate with met secretly with my roommate and me, to talk. He confided to us his side of the story. Something didn’t feel right about the story. The girl who was friend’s with my roommate and me, told us one scenario, and the young man told us something entirely different. The hardest thing I ever had to do was confront her about the overall situation. I even confronted her about her dishonesty and about her going behind my back, to get me involved with her scheme of hiding the young man’s rollerblades. I asked her, “Why would you do such a dishonest thing?” At first she denied it. Then I said, “Wait a minute. It’s no secret that his rollerblades came up missing. And you know my roommate is as honest as folks come. Not only that but you took one of my cassettes from my cassette case without asking me. I know, because when I was going through my cassettes, I discovered it missing. My roommate told me you had it in your possession. When she told you not to get into my things, you took it upon yourself to do so, anyway. Then when I asked you for it, you asked me what cassette I was talking about. I was there when you pulled it out of your cassette rack. Do you honestly expect me to believe that the young man is lying about you taking the rollerblades.”
She told me she only did that, because she wanted him by her side so they could spend romantic time together. The hardest thing I had to do was tell her how dishonest she was and how wrong her overall behavior was. I did so, because I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had kept her secret of her putting the rollerblades in my drawer. I couldn’t allow myself to go along with her dishonesty. My honesty destroyed our friendship, but at least I know I did the right thing. I realize she wasn’t a good friend when she could lie and scheme behind another person’s back, just because he wouldn’t give in to her every whim. No one should have to give in to anyone’s every whim. As a general rule, we all should have the right to think for ourselves, and not have to worry about others trying to control us.
© Copyright, Kiki Stamatiou, 2015